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Broken Heart
FAQ's
by Tigress Luv, The Broken Heart
Guru
WHY
AM I SUCH AN EMOTIONAL WRECK?
Suffering the loss of a love is a true emotional crisis. Emotional
abandonment can be as painful as grief over death, perhaps even more. This
grief can burrow deep within us where it undermines our self esteem, wreaking
havoc on our lives and even interfering with future relationships if left
unchecked. This can happen when we don't learn how to properly handle the
intense feelings that abandonment and rejection can have on us.
Rejection and unrequited
love can create a very deep and personal wound. It undermines our sense of
self worth and destroys our security. We may feel intense feelings of panic,
anxiety, hopelessness, longing, isolation, self-blaming, anger, resentment,
helplessness, unworthiness, and despair.
I FEEL SICK TO MY
STOMACH. IS IT NORMAL TO FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL?
Well, sure! Your heart is broken! Your body reacts physically to almost
any - in fact, to just about all - emotional pain. Your head pounds. Your
pulse rate quickens. Your stomach turns. You lose your appetite one minute
and eat a half of a gallon of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream the next. You oversleep,
suffer from insomnia, or have nightmares. You have cramps, nausea, and dizziness.
You¹re edgy with friends and family, hyper-vigilant to the most innocent
of remarks, and absolutely consumed with obsessive thoughts of your lost
loved one. The thought of going to work, going out with friends, or even
getting out of bed is mortifying! Your body may ache all over and you may
feel like you just ran a marathon.
WHY MUST I GO THROUGH
THIS PAIN?
Feelings of hopelessness, panic, anxiety, depression, and even - especially
- desperation are normal in the initial stages of a broken heart. Thankfully,
these intense feelings gradually reverse through your journey of personal
growth and recovery. It is necessary to go through these emotions and work
through your grief systematically. You cannot by-pass, skip over, or get
around grief. You have to go through grief in order to release
it.
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WHO CAN I TURN
TO?
Friends and family, although well-meaning, soon become bored and uneasy with
your constant moaning and whining. And face it, you are moaning and whining!
They get frustrated when they have offered you their opinions and advice,
and you chose to not follow it. Unfortunately, their well-meaning opinions
are usually, 'he was such a jerk - get over him, already!' or 'she was a
liar and a cheat - you can do so much better!'
Unfortunately, some people
going through a painful broken heart will seek for temporary solutions to
kill their pain. These can be very self-damaging and harmful methods such
as drugs, alcohol, or even a one-night stand. Some will (I, for one) even
go as far as getting emotionally addicted to their grief - using it as a
sort of 'rebound relationship'. Depression is also very common.
Recovery shouldn't be
yours alone to handle. Counselling, therapy, and recovery groups are available
to help you. Our very own Lifted Hearts
Community (http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com) are great recovery support groups that connect
you with others who are either going through the devastation of a broken
heart, on the road to recovery, or well past the bridge and have happily
and thankfully fully recovered and moved on. Our communities there, and our
support boards, will help you along the way, pointing out and identifying
rough bumps on that road and holding your hand all the way.
Lifted Hearts Community
(http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com) are available to you as encouragement throughout
your troubled times, and as a life-long friend forever after that. Your neighbors
there provide unprecedented support and guidance, along with insightful
techniques and tricks for overcoming your heartache. Add a huge dose of
compassion and understanding and that's what makes up our wonderful
communities. We know the agony of losing someone you love.
AM I MEANT TO BE
ALONE?
Some of us attract, or seem to be attracted to, emotionally dangerous or
unavailable partners. You may believe your chronic broken heart history may
have to do with you being unlovable, unattractive, emotionally unstable,
or unworthy of a respectful and loving mate. Unfortunately, some of us do
subconsciously choose mates that will verify these feelings in us. It's almost
as though we are looking for constant feedback of these low self-esteem feelings.
Perhaps we are somewhat addicted to false values, searching for security
outside of ourselves, mistaking our worth based on that of having a partner,
or even that of unrealistic childhood dreams and adolescent idealisms.
Take this time now to
reflect back over your relationships and see if you aren't consistently attracted
to those who may be emotionally unavailable (a challenge), or those who need
fixing, have addictions, or other emotional problems and issues. The problem
may not be that you are meant to be alone, but rather that you need to learn
that you are worthy and whole with or without a partner, and then make the
conscious decision to be more selective in your choice of future mates.
Until you can get an
understanding of yourself and what motivates you, you may be destined to
be chronically heartbroken.
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH ME?
Sometimes we carry issues with us from the past that interfere with our everyday
life, our relationships, and our overall happiness. For a much more in debt
look at this theory, read the online webBook,
How to Get Over a Broken Heart
(http://lovehurts.us).You may find how earlier losses, abandonments, rejection,
and disappointments may be interfering with your healing process. You might
find that you are maybe racked in pain from past events that you no longer
even remember.
You may feel like you
are always on the outside looking in. Or feel trapped in a loneliness you
did not consciously choose, forced to always feel like you are singled out
for misery. Maybe you believe you're just plain incapable of being in a
relationship. Maybe your deepest fear is that you will never find a mate
that you can have a healthy relationship with.
This just simply isn't
so! You are just caught in a pattern of past hurts, a pattern you can't escape
from until you identify its source and listen to yourself. Our online webBook,
How to Get Over a Broken Heart
(http://lovehurts.us), will shed much light on this subject, enabling to
have more healthy future relationships, and recover from the grief of your
current broken heart.
CAN I GET ADDICTED
TO MY GRIEF?
Yes! Chronic heartache is usually a sign of emotional hunger, and, without
realizing it, we can become addicted to our grief. It holds our hand and
comforts us, never leaving our side. Grief can actually take the place of
your lost mate in your mind. In a sense you can become 'conditioned' to having
your grief always there waiting for you, like a loving, comforting
friend.
IS THERE A 'QUICK-FIX'
METHOD THAT WILL KILL THIS HORRIBLE PAIN?
No. You may numb it, but you can't hide from it. There are things that will
make us feel temporarily better, but grief will still remain. You need to
feel your grief in order to release it. You can't skip over it, pass it up,
or pretend to be okay. Many have tried to self-medicate their hurt and emptiness
by food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, smoking, revenge, friends, socializing,
television, sleeping, and therapy. Grasping at methods to avoid your grief
only makes your grief seem more in control of you, instead of you in control
of it. Feeling your grief is the best way to 'fix' it..
Holding grudges, anger,
and resentments can keep you emotionally attached to the pain. You must find
forgiveness in your heart for both yourself and those who have hurt you,
either deliberately or unintentionally.
HOW CAN I FIND FORGIVENESS
FOR SOMEONE WHO HURT ME SO?
Forgiveness is for you, not for them. They may never even know you have
forgiven them! Forgiveness is just in letting others go and giving them
the human right to be 'wrong'. Forgiveness is not in saying, 'you hurt me
- but that's okay', it is in saying, 'you hurt me and that isn't okay, but
I forgive you anyway because you are only human and humans make
mistakes.'
Forgiveness is also about
you. Forgive yourself your own role in your broken heart. You are human,
you messed up - big deal! Haven't we all messed up? Painful lessons
we learn in life are actually rewards we get paid in the end.
IS IT GOOD TO
CRY?
Of course! Otherwise why would we have that great ability to cry and release
our sorrows and embrace our souls. Not only is crying good for you, it releases
a chemical in our brain that actually acts as a muscle relaxant. If we deny
our grief and repress our feelings they often surface in other self-destructive
ways, such as anger, rage, overeating, drugs, alcohol, sex, smoking, depression,
emotional-indifference, or the inability to have healthy relationships in
the future. That's a lot of self-imprisoning just to avoid a few minutes
of tears! It actually takes more courage and bravery to feel hurtful feelings
and grief, than to not. Allowing and acknowledging our pain is a very brave
thing to do.
If, however, you feel
your pain is over-extended or out-of-control, you may excel your healing
as well as gaining emotional benefits in seeking help from outside sources,
such as therapy, counselling, friends, family, co-workers, or joining a support
group, such as our wonderful Lifted Hearts
Community (http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com).
CAN I SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP
AND GET MY PARTNER BACK?
Of course it's possible! All is not lost, but the trick is to know how
to do it. Often times we do the complete opposite of what we should when
trying to regain a lost love. What we end up doing is pushing them even farther
away - exactly what we didn't want! To learn more about the techniques needed
to stop or undo a breakup visit the website, how to Stop
a Breakup (http://stopabreakup.com). It has helped hundreds and hundreds
of people save their relationships and regain their partner's love, and it
may help you, too!
Also, you may want to find out why you were dumped to begin with! Otherwise,
getting back together may just be a short interlude from being terminally
single. For men there is information here
(http://thedumped.com) on Why Women Dump Men, and also
for men there is great information on why women are disloyal at
Why Women Cheat (http://whywomencheat.com). For
women they can find out here (http://manmagnet.net)
what, exactly, makes a man attracted to them and
want to stay with them. And for those involved with
a commitment phobic partner, you'll find tips on how
to get a commitment, plus eye-opening and insightful
information about your CP (that even they don't
know!) here (http://commitmentphobia.net). Why get
back together if you're just going to break up and suffer a broken heart
again?
~by Tigress Luv,
The Broken Heart Guru
Tigress Luv has been healing hearts
and mending broken relationships for years! You can find more of her insightful
relationship advice articles, along with information about her and her Lifted
Hearts Network, at
http://liftedhearts.net
Check
out her webBooks now! You'll be glad you did! |
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